Welcome to the Club

After some discusson about how I should "get going" I finally was preparing to walk out the door. "I'm not really excited about going out in the cold, but I suppose...." I said.

"Yeah, Jode? I was thinking, we could start a procrastinator's club, but then again, we don't have to do that right away!".

How IS Molly

The vet who will sell you anything you never wanted to buy. Does your dog need psych meds? What about aromatherapy? Now when Molly got sick and we took her in, the initial bill was in the 350 range. And of course, they found nothing. None of the medicine they sent home worked. A few weeks later, Molly was found eating her uh, flesh, and was put down soon after.

So the vet called Dad to "see how Molly's doing".

Dad responds "She's dead, thank you very much. We had to put her down after the fantastic care she recieved with you. Personally, I think I got ripped off. So... Sweet dreams - ENJOY THE MONEY!" Click.

Sweedish Meatballs....

If they don't fix it for free, they are going to have a HOT sweedish meatball after them! (Speaking of a washer under warranty, and dad's "sweedish" background.)

Debit or Credit?

After Jess asked "Did you get mom a debit card" for their new checking account, Dad responds"Do you want me to go to the looney bin?".

Whats wrong with her?

Speaking of someone who is holding a grudge. "She's got a case of the ass!"

Dental violence

After carefully explaining the "problem" with his dentist is in fact the front desk, Dad feels compelled to share just one more example. "On my way in there, I tripped over the carpet they had thrown down. The corners were all uneven and it wasn't laying flat. I mentioned it to the receptionist after I saw an older lady with a cane trip.... I just said "you might want to tape down the edges".....but then I came out and of course, nothing had been done. I said heck with this crap.

"I'm not going to just stand around and watch blood let!".

(let by definition, "to descend slowly")

A Mountain of Controversey

"I don't want to rock Mount Vesuvius!

(a volcano near Naples, Italy)

Speaking of the risk of angring his wife by calling her at work for a minor issue.

Say Cheese

After a lenghty discussion about what meat is good meat, why, and how its sliced, I commented that I liked a certain meat with a certain cheese - to which Dad responded with a distant look in his eyes "I don't know that much about cheese" . . . except it taste good on my burger.

On missing his nap(s) yesterday . . .

"I am becoming a man who is seriously acquainted with grief". (Paraphrasing, none other than, Jesus Christ. Jesus of course, was hated by the masses. Dad just missed his nap.)

Can't change his mind . . .

Speaking of someone else of course . . "His mind is like cement. All mixed up and permanently set."

Facial Hair

"Ah, look at this guy - looks like a nightcrawler took a crap on his lip!"

Deep in thought

After conversing over coffee and the Sunday press, I comment on how my dad has been rather philosophical. After which he replies "Hey, I was just at that ceremony with all of those graduates with their PhD in Philosophy. Maybe the vapors of philosophy floated up my way".

Grand Rapids

"Grand Rapids is a great place to be from".

Love is in the air

"That guy had too much of a taste of the spanish fly . . . he was always in heat". --

"Its a great life, if you don't weaken!" (originates from Barb).

The Mind....

"The mind is the second thing to go..... and I can't remember the first!"

Prayer

Preface:
The dog ate Dad's last "good" hearing aid last fall. Nationwide Insurance failed to cover it appropriately. Said hearing aids were not properly replaced, however - the "spares" were pulled out and have been driving everyone crazy.

If you know Jim, you know the prayer commences when he sees all the food present on the table. People are not necessarily counted in this equation. As usual, dad begins this prayer last week with thanksgivings and such and then, as I hear him switch to his closing "tone", he speaks ever so gently -

"And THANK YOU JESUS for these SCREAMING hearing aids...... Amen".

Commonplace Arab Traditions by the fire

"Is he teaching her some Arab tradition?" In reference to Michael, my sister's boyfriend, who was pushing the roasting forks in the ground to clean them at the campfire last week....

Holi(stic) Cow

At dinner, when talking about the meat he has been buying "I don't know. I like this stuff. Its organic you know. You know what that means right? The meat comes from like a HOLISTIC cow!"

--J

Jim, 6/9/07

"Its AMAZING what they are doing with Green Beans these days". --JLW

Commenting on the Internet (again)

"I really should learn how to use that stupid thing".

Diggin up bones

After bringing in an apparently ill dog, the vet's technician asks my dad "Is your dog eating okay, sir?".

"This s'mornin I gave her a milkbone."

"Oh, and did she eat it?" the tech curiously asks.

Shaking his head with disbelief, "Boy, she donned that bone with AUTHORITY". -jlw

On pissing people off.....

"You'd better watch it, or she'll be all over you like a dirty shirt.”

Urgent Choice

“I didn’t know whether to crap or go blind.” -- James

The squirrels.....

“The squirrels aren’t just in the trees around here”

Trouble

“People go looking for trouble, like there is some kind of reward for it!” - James

Regarding a website

“…it will be just a matter of time before ‘they’ change that creepy little thing again!” (bank website)

Old Classics by Jim

“…like a duck on a junebug”
“…lazier than a pet coon”

Said often.

Comment on March 28, 2007

"Our pen's are like gold" - James, of my recent legal prose.

February 19, 2007

James Wilcome
Responding to my thinking-out-loud.... "I'm not sure what I should do"...

"When in doubt, drop back 5 and punt"